Being head over heels in love with somebody is inspiring and beautiful. But in some
instances, intimacy and true love can force us to merge identities with our loved ones. Often
we dont notice it because we want to feel accepted and enjoy being one of two halves. We
move from “I” to “We”, spend all our time together with our partners, and even stop doing
something we love. Maintaining your true self and nourishing your own identity is essential
for a healthy and conscious relationship. Putting yourself in a relationship first and striding
towards your own goals isnt selfish, it is healthy and self-conscious. If you feel like you have
lost your true self in a relationship, you risk getting depression and resentment.
To find out whether you are likely to be lost in a relationship or not, take our short 30-second
quiz below. To realize that you should act immediately, a small quiz will help.
1. Absolutely all your plans come out of the concept of "Me + Beloved". The answer to
all questions consists of "We think so". You often switch from I to "We".
2. For your part, you bring nothing to the relationship (no thoughts, ideas, goals, etc.),
because everything that happens in a relationship depends only on the schedule,
desires, and hobbies of your partner.
3. You haven't seen your best friend in months.
4. You feel uninspired and lonely outside of your relationship.
5. You prioritize your relationship, and not your career, interests, or hobbies.
If at least next to one assumption you can put "+", be sure to continue reading this article.
We will explain to you all in detail what to do to rediscover your personality and avoid losing
yourself in a relationship.
Grow as a person in other areas of your life
Especially in the beginning of the relationship, some people spend less time with their plans
and hobbies. Yes, it is completely normal to love your partner, but your entire life shouldn't
revolve around the other person. Are there some activities and hobbies, things you would
like to do solely for yourself? Make a list of the hobbies you enjoy on your own and which
reflect your personality. Below is an example of such a "to-do" list to carve out your mental
space.
1. Attend training courses or workshops in your area of expertise.
2. Plan a meet-up with school friends or colleagues.
3. Set aside 30 minutes at home to enjoy watching your favorite TV series or gambling
in a bet app.
4. Take a solo vacation.
5. Visit a cultural event without your partner.
6. Go on a hike.
Maintaining your personal growth wont let you lose yourself again in the future.
Learn to set clear boundaries
A relationship doesn't work without compromises, but they should go both ways. And there
must be non-negotiable things in a relationship you won't tolerate and compromise to. The
same works for your partner. Otherwise, you or your partner may sacrifice personal interests
and limits to please each other. If you don't feel up to going outside with your partner, stay
true to yourself and tell him. Sacrificing your self-esteem in a relationship can never be the
base of a healthy and positive relationship.
Set your personal goals and priorities
A relationship or marriage should not be a reason to give up all your dreams, plans, and
intentions. If your job or entrepreneurship is fulfilling for you, continue doing them. Maybe
you wanted to become a director of the company or go on a course abroad? Which
achievements are important to you? Take time to dream about the future and list your
individual goals in order of importance. Then ask yourself how you can get there.
Stay in touch with friends and make new acquaintances
Dont discard your friendships or other meaningful relationships outside of your relationship.
Keep the tradition of meeting up with your friends, relatives, or colleagues regularly. And to
organize an equal circle of interests, it is enough to make mutual friends, in the company of
which you both will feel not abandoned by your other half. Spending time with your friends is
essential for your self-esteem and sense of identity.
Analyze your relationship
Sometimes losing a sense of self is a true sign of a controlling or abusive relationship. It
means that your partner doesn't accept you as you are and doesn’t value you as an
individual outside of your relationship. Often controlling people have narcissistic, borderline,
or psychopathic traits. And their partners are ready to sacrifice themselves and give them
their all.
They lose their unique sparkle to achieve acceptance from abusive partners but end in a
deeply unfulfilling and unhealthy relationship. Sounds familiar to you? Then seek help from a
psychologist to break out of the abusive cycle. This is the only situation when staying in a
relationship is toxic for your identity and mental health. Otherwise, if you and your partner
feel connected and intimate with each other, rediscovering your true self will bring your
relationship to the next level.
Final Thoughts
Self-discovery is a very important thing for mental wellbeing. Moreover, a healthy
relationship with your true self is a foundation for other social connections. Falling in love
with somebody doesn't mean you should give up self-discovery and your passions. Don't be
afraid to rediscover yourself in a relationship and communicate your vision of the present
and future to your partner. This will make your relationship even more harmonious, healthy,
and fulfilling. A couple isn't made of two halves, but two unique, independent personalities.
